Oprah Winfrey, global media leader and philanthropist, spoke to the Class of 2008 at Stanford's 117th Commencement on June 15, 2008. Winfrey drew on experiences from a career that began in 1976 when she co-anchored a television newscast, and she shared three lessons about feelings, failure and finding happiness.
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Oprah talks to graduates about feelings, failure and finding happiness
6’:00’’ But I also know why my dad was insisting on that diploma,
because, as B. B. King put it, "The beautiful thing about learning is that
nobody can ______________ you." And learning is really in the
_____________ sense what I want to talk about today, because your education, of
course, isn't ending here. In many ways, it's only just begun.
The world has so many lessons to teach you. I consider the world,
this Earth, to be like a school and our life the classrooms. And sometimes here
in this Planet Earth school the lessons often come _____________ as detours or
roadblocks. And sometimes as full-blown crises. And the secret I've learned to
getting ahead is being open to the lessons, lessons from the _____________
university of all, that is, the universe itself.
It's being able to walk through life __________ and open to
___________________ and that which is going to best help you evolve, 'cause
that's really why we're here, to evolve as human beings. To grow into being more of
ourselves, always moving to the next level of understanding, the next level of
compassion and ______________.
I think about one of the greatest ________________ I've ever
received: I interviewed with a reporter when I was first starting out in Chicago. And then many
years later, I saw the same reporter. And she said to me,
"___________________? You really haven't changed. You've just become more
of yourself."
And that is really what we're all trying to do, become more of ourselves.
And I believe that there's a lesson in almost everything that you do and every
experience, and getting the lesson is how you __________________. It's how you
___________ your spirit. And, _________________, I know that __________________
is more precious than _________________. The more you spend it, the more you
gain.7’:55’’
KEY
6’:00’’ But I also know why my dad was insisting on that diploma,
because, as B. B. King put it, "The beautiful thing about learning is that
nobody can take that away from
you." And learning is really in the broadest
sense what I want to talk about today, because your education, of course,
isn't ending here. In many ways, it's only just begun.
The world has so many lessons to teach you. I consider the world,
this Earth, to be like a school and our life the classrooms. And sometimes here
in this Planet Earth school the lessons often come dressed up as detours or roadblocks. And sometimes as full-blown
crises. And the secret I've learned to getting ahead is being open to the
lessons, lessons from the grandest university
of all, that is, the universe itself.
It's being able to walk through life eager and open to self-improvement
and that which is going to best help you evolve, 'cause that's really why we're
here, to evolve as human beings. To grow into being more of ourselves, always
moving to the next level of understanding, the next level of compassion and growth.
I think about one of the greatest compliments I've ever received: I interviewed with a reporter when
I was first starting out in Chicago.
And then many years later, I saw the same reporter. And she said to me, "You know what? You really haven't
changed. You've just become more of yourself."
And that is really what we're all trying to do, become more of
ourselves. And I believe that there's a lesson in almost everything that you do
and every experience, and getting the lesson is how you move forward. It's how you enrich
your spirit. And, trust me, I know
that inner wisdom is more precious
than wealth. The more you spend it,
the more you gain.7’:55’’
Transcript
Thank you, President Hennessy, and to the trustees and the
faculty, to all of the parents and grandparents, to you, the Stanford
graduates. Thank you for letting me share this amazing day with you.
I need to begin by letting everyone in on a little secret. The
secret is that Kirby Bumpus, Stanford Class of '08, is my goddaughter. So, I
was thrilled when President Hennessy asked me to be your Commencement speaker,
because this is the first time I've been allowed on campus since Kirby's been
here.
You see, Kirby's a very smart girl. She wants people to get to
know her on her own terms, she says. Not in terms of who she knows. So, she never
wants anyone who's first meeting her to know that I know her and she knows me.
So, when she first came to Stanford for new student orientation with her mom, I
hear that they arrived and everybody was so welcoming, and somebody came up to
Kirby and they said, "Ohmigod, that's Gayle King!" Because a lot of
people know Gayle King as my BFF [best friend forever].
And so somebody comes up to Kirby, and they say, "Ohmigod, is
that Gayle King?" And Kirby's like, "Uh-huh. She's my mom."
And so the person says, "Ohmigod, does it mean, like, you
know Oprah Winfrey?"
And Kirby says, "Sort of."
I said, "Sort of? You sort of know me?" Well, I have
photographic proof. I have pictures which I can e-mail to you all of Kirby
riding horsey with me on all fours. So, I more than sort-of know Kirby Bumpus.
And I'm so happy to be here, just happy that I finally, after four years, get
to see her room. There's really nowhere else I'd rather be, because I'm so
proud of Kirby, who graduates today with two degrees, one in human bio and the
other in psychology. Love you, Kirby Cakes! That's how well I know her. I can
call her Cakes.
And so proud of her mother and father, who helped her get through
this time, and her brother, Will. I really had nothing to do with her
graduating from Stanford, but every time anybody's asked me in the past couple
of weeks what I was doing, I would say, "I'm getting ready to go to
Stanford."
I just love saying "Stanford." Because the truth is, I
know I would have never gotten my degree at all, 'cause I didn't go to
Stanford. I went to Tennessee
State University.
But I never would have gotten my diploma at all, because I was supposed to
graduate back in 1975, but I was short one credit. And I figured, I'm just
going to forget it, 'cause, you know, I'm not going to march with my class.
Because by that point, I was already on television. I'd been in television
since I was 19 and a sophomore. Granted, I was the only television anchor
person that had an 11 o'clock curfew doing the 10 o'clock news.
Seriously, my dad was like, "Well, that news is over at
10:30. Be home by 11."
But that didn't matter to me, because I was earning a living. I
was on my way. So, I thought, I'm going to let this college thing go and I only
had one credit short. But, my father, from that time on and for years after,
was always on my case, because I did not graduate. He'd say, "Oprah
Gail"—that's my middle name—"I don't know what you're gonna do
without that degree." And I'd say, "But, Dad, I have my own television
show."
And he'd say, "Well, I still don't know what you're going to
do without that degree."
And I'd say, "But, Dad, now I'm a talk show host." He'd
say, "I don't know how you're going to get another job without that
degree."
So, in 1987, Tennessee
State University
invited me back to speak at their commencement. By then, I had my own show, was
nationally syndicated. I'd made a movie, had been nominated for an Oscar and
founded my company, Harpo. But I told them, I cannot come and give a speech
unless I can earn one more credit, because my dad's still saying I'm not going
to get anywhere without that degree.
So, I finished my coursework, I turned in my final paper and I got
the degree.
And my dad was very proud. And I know that, if anything happens,
that one credit will be my salvation.
6’:00’’ But I also know why my dad was insisting on that diploma,
because, as B. B. King put it, "The beautiful thing about learning is that
nobody can take that away from
you." And learning is really in the broadest
sense what I want to talk about today, because your education, of course,
isn't ending here. In many ways, it's only just begun.
The world has so many lessons to teach you. I consider the world,
this Earth, to be like a school and our life the classrooms. And sometimes here
in this Planet Earth school the lessons often come dressed up as detours or roadblocks. And sometimes as full-blown
crises. And the secret I've learned to getting ahead is being open to the
lessons, lessons from the grandest university
of all, that is, the universe itself.
It's being able to walk through life eager and open to self-improvement
and that which is going to best help you evolve, 'cause that's really why we're
here, to evolve as human beings. To grow into being more of ourselves, always
moving to the next level of understanding, the next level of compassion and growth.
I think about one of the greatest compliments I've ever received: I interviewed with a reporter when
I was first starting out in Chicago.
And then many years later, I saw the same reporter. And she said to me, "You know what? You really haven't
changed. You've just become more of yourself."
And that is really what we're all trying to do, become more of
ourselves. And I believe that there's a lesson in almost everything that you do
and every experience, and getting the lesson is how you move forward. It's how you enrich
your spirit. And, trust me, I know
that inner wisdom is more precious
than wealth. The more you spend it,
the more you gain.7’:55’’
So, today, I just want to share a few lessons—meaning three—that
I've learned in my journey so far. And aren't you glad? Don't you hate it when
somebody says, "I'm going to share a few," and it's 10 lessons later?
And, you're like, "Listen, this is my graduation. This is not about you."
So, it's only going to be three.
The three lessons that have had the greatest impact on my life
have to do with feelings, with failure and with finding happiness.
A year after I left college, I was given the opportunity to
co-anchor the 6 o'clock news in Baltimore, because the whole goal in the media
at the time I was coming up was you try to move to larger markets. And Baltimore was a much larger market than Nashville. So, getting the 6 o'clock news
co-anchor job at 22 was such a big deal. It felt like the biggest deal in the
world at the time.
And I was so proud, because I was finally going to have my chance
to be like Barbara Walters, which is who I had been trying to emulate since the
start of my TV career. So, I was 22 years old, making $22,000 a year. And it's
where I met my best friend, Gayle, who was an intern at the same TV station.
And once we became friends, we'd say, "Ohmigod, I can't believe it! You're
making $22,000 and you're only 22. Imagine when you're 40 and you're making
$40,000!"
When I turned 40, I was so glad that didn't happen.
So, here I am, 22, making $22,000 a year and, yet, it didn't feel
right. It didn't feel right. The first sign, as President Hennessy was saying,
was when they tried to change my name. The news director said to me at the
time, "Nobody's going to remember Oprah. So, we want to change your name.
We've come up with a name we think that people will remember and people will
like. It's a friendly name: Suzie."
Hi, Suzie. Very friendly. You can't be angry with Suzie. Remember
Suzie. But my name wasn't Suzie. And, you know, I'd grown up not really loving
my name, because when you're looking for your little name on the lunch boxes
and the license plate tags, you're never going to find Oprah.
So, I grew up not loving the name, but once I was asked to change
it, I thought, well, it is my name and do I look like a Suzie to you? So, I
thought, no, it doesn't feel right. I'm not going to change my name. And if
people remember it or not, that's OK.
And then they said they didn't like the way I looked. This was in
1976, when your boss could call you in and say, "I don't like the way you
look." Now that would be called a lawsuit, but back then they could just
say, "I don't like the way you look." Which, in case some of you in
the back, if you can't tell, is nothing like Barbara Walters. So, they sent me
to a salon where they gave me a perm, and after a few days all my hair fell out
and I had to shave my head. And then they really didn't like the way I looked.
Because now I am black and bald and sitting on TV. Not a pretty
picture.
But even worse than being bald, I really hated, hated, hated being
sent to report on other people's tragedies as a part of my daily duty, knowing
that I was just expected to observe, when everything in my instinct told me
that I should be doing something, I should be lending a hand.
So, as President Hennessy said, I'd cover a fire and then I'd go
back and I'd try to give the victims blankets. And I wouldn't be able to sleep
at night because of all the things I was covering during the day.
And, meanwhile, I was trying to sit gracefully like Barbara and
make myself talk like Barbara. And I thought, well, I could make a pretty goofy
Barbara. And if I could figure out how to be myself, I could be a pretty good
Oprah. I was trying to sound elegant like Barbara. And sometimes I didn't read
my copy, because something inside me said, this should be spontaneous. So, I
wanted to get the news as I was giving it to the people. So, sometimes, I
wouldn't read my copy and it would be, like, six people on a pileup on I-40. Oh,
my goodness.
And sometimes I wouldn't read the copy—because I wanted to be
spontaneous—and I'd come across a list of words I didn't know and I'd
mispronounce. And one day I was reading copy and I called Canada "ca nada." And I
decided, this Barbara thing's not going too well. I should try being myself.
But at the same time, my dad was saying, "Oprah Gail, this is
an opportunity of a lifetime. You better keep that job." And my boss was
saying, "This is the nightly news. You're an anchor, not a social worker.
Just do your job."
So, I was juggling these messages of expectation and obligation
and feeling really miserable with myself. I'd go home at night and fill up my
journals, 'cause I've kept a journal since I was 15—so I now have volumes of
journals. So, I'd go home at night and fill up my journals about how miserable
I was and frustrated. Then I'd eat my anxiety. That's where I learned that
habit.
And after eight months, I lost that job. They said I was too
emotional. I was too much. But since they didn't want to pay out the contract,
they put me on a talk show in Baltimore.
And the moment I sat down on that show, the moment I did, I felt like I'd come
home. I realized that TV could be more than just a playground, but a platform
for service, for helping other people lift their lives. And the moment I sat
down, doing that talk show, it felt like breathing. It felt right. And that's
where everything that followed for me began.
14’:13’’And I got that lesson. When you're doing the work you're meant to
do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what you're getting
paid.
It's true. And how do you know when you're doing something right?
How do you know that? It feels so. What I know now is that feelings are really
your GPS system for life. When you're supposed to do something or not supposed
to do something, your emotional guidance system lets you know. The trick is to
learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your gut instead. Every
right decision I've made—every right decision I've ever made—has come from my
gut. And every wrong decision I've ever made was a result of me not listening
to the greater voice of myself.
If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That's the lesson. And that
lesson alone will save you, my friends, a lot of grief. Even doubt means don't.
This is what I've learned. There are many times when you don't know what to do.
When you don't know what to do, get still, get very still, until you do know
what to do.
And when you do get still and let your internal motivation be the
driver, not only will your personal life improve, but you will gain a
competitive edge in the working world as well. Because, as Daniel Pink writes
in his best-seller, A
Whole New Mind, we're entering a whole new age. And he
calls it the Conceptual Age, where traits that set people apart today are going
to come from our hearts—right brain—as well as our heads. It's no longer just
the logical, linear, rules-based thinking that matters, he says. It's also
empathy and joyfulness and purpose, inner traits that have transcendent worth.
These qualities bloom when we're doing what we love, when we're
involving the wholeness of ourselves in our work, both our expertise and our
emotion.
So, I say to you, forget about the fast lane. If you really want
to fly, just harness your power to your passion. Honor your calling. Everybody
has one. Trust your heart and success will come to you.
So, how do I define success? Let me tell you, money's pretty nice.
I'm not going to stand up here and tell you that it's not about money, 'cause
money is very nice. I like money. It's good for buying things.
But having a lot of money does not automatically make you a
successful person. What you want is money and meaning. You want your work to be
meaningful. Because meaning is what brings the real richness to your life. What
you really want is to be surrounded by people you trust and treasure and by
people who cherish you. That's when you're really rich.
So, lesson one, follow your feelings. If it feels right, move
forward. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Now I want to talk a little bit about failings, because nobody's
journey is seamless or smooth. We all stumble. We all have setbacks. If things
go wrong, you hit a dead end—as you will—it's just life's way of saying time to
change course. So, ask every failure—this is what I do with every failure,
every crisis, every difficult time—I say, what is this here to teach me? And as
soon as you get the lesson, you get to move on. If you really get the lesson, you
pass and you don't have to repeat the class. If you don't get the lesson, it
shows up wearing another pair of pants—or skirt—to give you some remedial work.
And what I've found is that difficulties come when you don't pay
attention to life's whisper, because life always whispers to you first. And if
you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream. Whatever you
resist persists. But, if you ask the right question—not why is this happening,
but what is this here to teach me?—it puts you in the place and space to get
the lesson you need.
My friend Eckhart Tolle, who's written this wonderful book called A New Earth that's all about letting the
awareness of who you are stimulate everything that you do, he puts it like
this: He says, don't react against a bad situation; merge with that situation
instead. And the solution will arise from the challenge. Because surrendering
yourself doesn't mean giving up; it means acting with responsibility. 19’:24’’
Many of you know that, as President Hennessy said, I started this
school in Africa. And I founded the school,
where I'm trying to give South African girls a shot at a future like
yours—Stanford. And I spent five years making sure that school would be as
beautiful as the students. I wanted every girl to feel her worth reflected in
her surroundings. So, I checked every blueprint, I picked every pillow. I was
looking at the grout in between the bricks. I knew every thread count of the
sheets. I chose every girl from the villages, from nine provinces. And yet, last
fall, I was faced with a crisis I had never anticipated. I was told that one of
the dorm matrons was suspected of sexual abuse.
That was, as you can imagine, devastating news. First, I
cried—actually, I sobbed—for about half an hour. And then I said, let's get to
it; that's all you get, a half an hour. You need to focus on the now, what you
need to do now. So, I contacted a child trauma specialist. I put together a
team of investigators. I made sure the girls had counseling and support. And
Gayle and I got on a plane and flew to South Africa.
And the whole time I kept asking that question: What is this here
to teach me? And, as difficult as that experience has been, I got a lot of
lessons. I understand now the mistakes I made, because I had been paying attention
to all of the wrong things. I'd built that school from the outside in, when
what really mattered was the inside out.
So, it's a lesson that applies to all of our lives as a whole.
What matters most is what's inside. What matters most is the sense of
integrity, of quality and beauty. I got that lesson. And what I know is that
the girls came away with something, too. They have emerged from this more
resilient and knowing that their voices have power.
And their resilience and spirit have given me more than I could
ever give to them, 21’:38’’which
leads me to my final lesson—the one about finding happiness—which we could talk
about all day, but I know you have other wacky things to do.
Not a small topic this is, finding happiness. But in some ways I
think it's the simplest of all. Gwendolyn Brooks wrote a poem for her children.
It's called "Speech to the Young : Speech to the Progress-Toward."
And she says at the end, "Live not for battles won. / Live not for
the-end-of-the-song. / Live in the along." She's saying, like Eckhart
Tolle, that you have to live for the present. You have to be in the moment.
Whatever has happened to you in your past has no power over this present
moment, because life is now.
But I think she's also saying, be a part of something. Don't live
for yourself alone. This is what I know for sure: In order to be truly happy,
you must live along with and you have to stand for something larger than
yourself. Because life is a reciprocal exchange. To move forward you have to
give back. And to me, that is the greatest lesson of life. To be happy, you
have to give something back.
I know you know that, because that's a lesson that's woven into
the very fabric of this university. It's a lesson that Jane and Leland Stanford
got and one they've bequeathed to you. Because all of you know the story of how
this great school came to be, how the Stanfords lost their only child to
typhoid at the age of 15. They had every right and they had every reason to
turn their backs against the world at that time, but instead, they channeled
their grief and their pain into an act of grace. Within a year of their son's
death, they had made the founding grant for this great school, pledging to do
for other people's children what they were not able to do for their own boy.
The lesson here is clear, and that is, if you're hurting, you need
to help somebody ease their hurt. If you're in pain, help somebody else's pain.
And when you're in a mess, you get yourself out of the mess helping somebody
out of theirs. And in the process, you get to become a member of what I call
the greatest fellowship of all, the sorority of compassion and the fraternity
of service.
The Stanfords had suffered the worst thing any mom and dad can
ever endure, yet they understood that helping others is the way we help
ourselves. And this wisdom is increasingly supported by scientific and
sociological research. It's no longer just woo-woo soft-skills talk. There's
actually a helper's high, a spiritual surge you gain from serving others. So,
if you want to feel good, you have to go out and do some good.
But when you do good, I hope you strive for more than just the
good feeling that service provides, because I know this for sure, that doing
good actually makes you better. So, whatever field you choose, if you operate
from the paradigm of service, I know your life will have more value and you
will be happy.
I was always happy doing my talk show, but that happiness reached
a depth of fulfillment, of joy, that I really can't describe to you or measure
when I stopped just being on TV and looking at TV as a job and decided to use
television, to use it and not have it use me, to use it as a platform to serve
my viewers. That alone changed the trajectory of my success.
So, I know this—that whether you're an actor, you offer your
talent in the way that most inspires art. If you're an anatomist, you look at
your gift as knowledge and service to healing. Whether you've been called, as
so many of you here today getting doctorates and other degrees, to the
professions of business, law, engineering, humanities, science, medicine, if
you choose to offer your skills and talent in service, when you choose the
paradigm of service, looking at life through that paradigm, it turns everything
you do from a job into a gift. And I know you haven't spent all this time at
Stanford just to go out and get a job.
You've been enriched in countless ways. There's no better way to
make your mark on the world and to share that abundance with others. My
constant prayer for myself is to be used in service for the greater good.
So, let me end with one of my favorite quotes from Martin Luther
King. Dr. King said, "Not everybody can be famous." And I don't know,
but everybody today seems to want to be famous.
But fame is a trip. People follow you to the bathroom, listen to
you pee. It's just—try to pee quietly. It doesn't matter, they come out and
say, "Ohmigod, it's you. You peed."
That's the fame trip, so I don't know if you want that.
So, Dr. King said, "Not everybody can be famous. But everybody
can be great, because greatness is determined by service." Those of you
who are history scholars may know the rest of that passage. He said, "You
don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your
subject and verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about Plato or
Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's theory of relativity to
serve. You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to
serve. You only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love."
In a few moments, you'll all be officially Stanford's '08.
You have the heart and the smarts to go with it. And it's up to
you to decide, really, where will you now use those gifts? You've got the
diploma, so go out and get the lessons, 'cause I know great things are sure to
come.
You know, I've always believed that everything is better when you
share it, so before I go, I wanted to share a graduation gift with you.
Underneath your seats you'll find two of my favorite books. Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth is my current book club
selection. Our New Earth webcast has been downloaded 30 million times with that book. And
Daniel Pink's A Whole New Mind: Why
Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future has
reassured me I'm in the right direction.
I really wanted to give you cars but I just couldn't pull that
off! Congratulations, '08!
Thank you. Thank you.
"And I got that lesson. When you're doing the work you're meant to do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what you're getting paid."
ReplyDeleteTo me that's one of the best parts of the speech together with the need of giving in order to reach real happiness.
I also enjoyed when Oprah's dad insisted on the importance of the last credit to get degree.
I found it very inspiring too. I'm glad you liked it.
ReplyDelete